From an early age, I could never be focused on one thing for too long. Maybe I have ADHD or something similar. It’s not so bad that I have to see a doctor, but I always thought that I was never productive as I wanted myself to be. I think want is a vague word so I suppose it’s not meaningful in this context. Many people want stuff like money and fame, but not many are willing to sacrifice anything to obtain what they want. For me, the things that I want are things that I have to be constantly reminded about like good grades or getting a job, but perhaps the things the I truly want to do, I’m already doing it. I don’t have to be reminded to blog or to program. I have never set any alerts to remind me to do things that I really enjoy.
I think this, for me, is a significant dilemma. My brain says getting a job and earning money will allow me to buy things that I want, but my instinct and habit is prohibiting my from stepping outside of my hole to do anything meaningful. So here’s what I’ve done for the last few months have either been,
- Forced upon me like putting a half-assed effort to do homework
- Something that gives me instant gratification like surfing the web
After self examination, I’ve learned that I am still a child and need to learn (somehow) how to set a long term goal and achieve it.
The only thing I know so far is that setting things like New Year’s resolution is complete BS. When someone sets a goal like that based on dates or events doesn’t work. This is based on my own experience and from observation. Therefore, what I need to do is list the things I truly want and start doing it right away because there are always reasons why I can’t do that thing. “Oh, there’s a project due tomorrow. Well I can always sleep and do it tomorrow morning.”, “Oh, I need to get get a job. Well, I’m busy right now watching YouTube videos”. I’m basically stuck in a hole and I don’t know how to get out. The only problem is, that’s another one of my wants.